Past and Present
by Vinividivinci
Summary: The continuing saga of Jack and Sam's journey to marriage and family.  Follows 'With Asgaard Apologies'.  Life with baby Alexander and a reminder of a past life.  Mostly 'slice of life' stuff.!


_**No real plot – no action – no adventure – just a slice of life with baby Alexander (fluff you say – what – more? Can one ever have enough?)**_

"Okay. So what are we going to get Mommy for Christmas?" Jack spoke to his son who was sitting on the kitchen table in his bouncy chair. The little boy – 3 months old today – looked at his father and gave a huge, toothless grin.

"So, you're telling me you don't have a clue either, is that right? A lot of help you are Alex! I was relying on you to give me some good ideas!" The little boy gave another huge smile and squealed in delight. There was nothing he liked more than having the two people he adored talking to him. He squealed again and then stuck his little fist into his mouth.

"So – let's figure this out." Jack reached down and unbuckled his son and lifted him up. Holding him in the crook of his arm he made his way into the family room and sat in the rocking chair in front of the fire. Sam had fed the baby before she went out 'on a mysterious mission' so he figured Alex was about ready to go back to sleep.

They'd been fortunate, Jack knew, that Alex was a happy, content baby. He cried rarely – usually only when getting his diaper changed. He hated being naked, except for his bath which he loved. He ate well and was growing by leaps and bounds every day. His hair – brown like his father's - had worn off around the back and sides but was long on top. It stuck straight up, most of the time, although Sam attempted to wet it down continuously – with little or no effect.

"Might as well give up", Jack told her. "It never worked for me either. My Mom told me she gave up when I was about 6 months old and just let it stand up straight."

"Really? Do you have any baby pictures?" she'd asked curiously. She'd never seen any of Jack when he was younger – or his family for that matter.

"Yeah – they're packed away", he said, without anymore explanation. She wondered about it but decided not to press it. He had never really spoken that much about his family and she was curious.

"So", he said, returning to the present and talking again to his son, "I need to buy something nice for your Mom, although there couldn't be any better present than you. I'm afraid you're going to be hard to beat!" He was speaking softly, in a monotone voice as he rocked, hoping Alex would fall asleep. He looked down at the little baby in his arms and couldn't help but smile. His eyes were half closed and he was sucking his fist only sporadically. He was almost asleep.

Soon Alex was sound asleep but Jack kept rocking. There was nothing he loved more than to hold his little boy. Every time he sat here, in this chair, with the baby in his arms, he knew how lucky he was. Sam and Alex were the best things that had happened to him since he'd lost everything with Charlie's death. He'd been given a second chance – and he wasn't going to screw it up.

He found it extremely difficult to go back into work every day. Things had gotten backed up while he was off and he had a heavy workload. He ended up staying late quite a few nights and resented it terribly. He wanted to be home with his family. He wanted to see his son grow up and be there for all the milestones. He didn't want to go to the Pentagon everyday and deal with budgets and allocations and duty! He wanted to play with his son and blow raspberries and make Alex laugh!

Sam had decided to stay home for the first year, while the baby was little. It was a sacrifice, especially since she enjoyed her work so much, but she told him she was also enjoying motherhood and like him, didn't want to miss out on being with their son. She certainly seemed happy – and not bored – although he'd told her he'd support her if she went back to work. He'd earned a kiss for that – but she had simply told him 'no, I want to stay home for now.' He'd happily agreed.

He gently lifted Alex up and kissed his head. He loved the smell of tiny babies and couldn't get enough of that sweet, innocent scent. He hadn't remembered that from Charlie's infancy – only remembering the sour smell of milk. When he'd mentioned that to Sam she'd asked if he'd been breastfed.

"Uh – no – Sara decided to use a bottle."

"That's why then", she'd explained. "Babies who are breastfed smell better."

It was amazing the things you learned, he thought. He'd found out more about breastfeeding – and its benefits – than he'd ever expected to. He laughed when he thought about the next time he saw Daniel. He was going to tell him all about it and see how he reacted. It was so easy to get Daniel! He was pretty sure Teal'c would be totally blasé about the whole thing. Somehow he didn't think Jaffa women used formula!

"Okay Jack", he said to himself, "start concentrating! You need to figure out what to get for Sam!" He really did want to get her something special since this was their first Christmas as a couple and he wanted to let her know how much he loved her. So – what to get?

Sam pulled into the driveway, glad to be home since it had started to snow heavily and the pre-holiday traffic was horrible. This was one of the first times she'd gone out without Alexander and it had been fun, for the first little while. After a bit, though, she'd found herself missing him terribly. She'd laughed at herself, knowing that the maternal hormones were in high gear. She wanted and needed to be with her baby and she'd had it with the overcrowded mall and shopping.

It was as she was on her way home that she'd felt her milk let down. "Darn", she'd muttered. It was already time to feed the baby. She just hoped he wasn't screaming with hunger, because there wasn't anything Jack could do. She had left some frozen milk that she'd expressed in the freezer, but Alex had never had a bottle before and she didn't know how he'd take to it. She was also pretty sure her husband wouldn't think of it.

She walked into the house, to hear the sounds of a crying baby and a husband desperately trying to soothe him. Her breasts suddenly started to hurt as they became even more engorged with milk.

"I'm coming baby", she called. She was pretty sure she heard a relieved, "thank God", from her husband. She walked into the room to see him pacing with the baby, jiggling him up and down to try and distract him.

"I'm sorry Jack – I got stuck in traffic." She sat in the rocking chair and quickly undid her nursing bra and reached out for her son. Jack handed him down and stepped back and watched as she put the boy to her breast.

The baby was so upset that it took a few seconds before he even seemed to realize that lunch had been served! He finally stopped wailing for one second and then latched on. Almost instantly he was madly sucking away – the tears still wet on his cheeks.

"How long was he crying", she asked, feeling terribly guilty. By the looks of things it must have been for a long time.

"Oh, about a minute, minute and a half. He was sleeping soundly until right before you came home."

"Really? From the sound of him I'd have thought he was starving to death!"

"I know – he gets grumpy when the breast isn't there immediately when he wants it!"

"Just like another O'Neill I know!"

"Hey – I don't scream and cry when I'm hungry!"

"I wasn't talking about you being _hungry_, Jack!"

It took him a second to realize what she'd said and then he laughed. "Yeah – well what can I say – when us O'Neill boys want the breast – we _really_ want the breast!"

"Jack!" she laughed. "You're bad."

"I know", he grinned. He sat down and watched as she continued to feed the baby. "So, how was your shopping expedition?"

"It was good. I had fun but after a while I missed Alexander. I couldn't wait to get home."

"You were only gone for two hours!"

"I know – but that's long enough. Did you two have fun?"

"Oh yeah. We talked, traded stories, chewed the fat – or gummed it in Alexander's case and I told him some guy secrets."

"_Guy_ secrets?"

"Yeah – things every male needs to know."

"What kind of things?"

"Sam – they're _secrets_. I can't tell you – you're a woman."

"Huh! I bet you just told him hockey stories."

Jack just grinned and sat back, his hands clasped behind his head. "Wouldn't you like to know Carter?"

"Yes – but I'll get it out of you. You can't resist me you know!"

He sighed heavily. "I know. Who would have thought it – General Jack O'Neill, man of action, superhero and galactic traveler – completely under the control of a blue-eyed blond?"

"That's a blue-eyed blond woman of action, superhero and galactic traveler – General!"

He laughed. "Yeah, we're quite a pair, aren't we? No", he said, looking at his son, "we're quite a _family_."

Sam looked down at the infant in her arms who was now almost asleep. His mouth was open and relaxed and she went to take him off the breast when he suddenly started sucking madly again. Shortly though he stopped nursing and again his face relaxed. This time she was able to pull him away and he stayed asleep.

"You want me to put him down?" Jack asked.

"No, I'll just hold him for a while. I missed him."

Jack sat back and watched her as she held their baby. He was sure that there was no more lovely sight in this or any other world than a woman holding her child. It was the picture of the Madonna and child – the age old scene of utter love and devotion and joy. He felt tears prick his eyes and blinked rapidly.

"Have you heard from Daniel yet?" Sam asked a few moments later. They'd invited their friends to Christmas at their house. Teal'c was coming for New Years but was spending the holidays with Ry'ac and his new wife.

"He says he's coming. It'll be nice to have him." Jack said.

Sam smiled, knowing that was the sort of thing her husband would say to her but would never actually say to Daniel. No, he showed his affection for the other man by teasing him and bugging him unmercifully. She knew that Daniel understood – and would probably be terribly uncomfortable if Jack actually told him how he felt. They had a strange relationship, but one which she knew was incredibly close, and important to both of them.

"It will", she said. "I just wish Teal'c could be here too."

"Yeah – well he'll be here for New Year's" Jack said.

"That's our anniversary", she said, remembering it with a smile.

"Yeah – the time this strange woman arrived in the middle of night at my cabin and climbed into bed with me!"

"Strange woman?"

"Did I say strange? No, I meant hot, sexy, incredible woman. _That's_ what I meant."

"Good – that's what I thought." She sat quietly for a moment. "Do you ever think about that night", she asked softly.

"All the time", he said, serious for once. "I really thought I was going to be alone for the rest of my life and then you arrived. It was – " he stopped, unable to put into words what he'd felt.

"I know', she replied softly. "I was so afraid when I arrived but as soon as I saw you – as soon as you saw me - I knew I'd made the right decision."

"You did, and look at the result" he nodded towards his son. "He was our prize for finally getting our act together and – getting together!"

"He was a miracle, wasn't he?" She reached down and kissed the little boy. "I still can't believe how lucky we are."

"No, me either."

"Jack?"

"Yeah?" he looked up from his son to see a hesitant expression on his wife's face. "What is it?" he asked in concern. She looked worried.

"Do you – would you – would you want another one?" she asked.

"Another one?" he frowned.

"No?"

"No – I mean yes – I – are we talking kids here?"

"Yes. I'm just wondering – I mean – we didn't really plan for Alex and I thought maybe we should talk about it."

"You're not thinking – now?"

"What? Oh no. No, it's too soon. I just wondered you know –"

"Oh." Jack sat back, not quite sure what to think. He hadn't really given any thought to kids since he hadn't thought he'd even be in a serious relationship again – and then Alex had appeared. The idea of a _second_ child was – well – he didn't know. Was he too old? Was it fair to Sam?

Sam was chewing her lip, looking almost upset. That made him realize that this _was_ something she'd thought about and his answer was clearly important to her.

"Do you want another one?" he asked.

"Only if you do", she said quickly, although he was sure that wasn't quite true. He was pretty sure this was something she wanted.

"Sam – Alex is amazing – the best gift I've had since – oh, since last New Year's! I think another one would be – wonderful too. I can't think of anything better than to have a little brother or sister for him. If you want another child, I'm there!"

Her face practically split in two the smile was so big. He knew that if she hadn't been holding the baby she would have thrown herself at him and given him a kiss. Well, he grinned, he could always collect later!

"Thank you", she said. "I want another one too."

"Sam", he said suddenly, a worried look on his face. "Uh – Sara and I" he stopped, looking at his wife carefully. She'd told him he shouldn't be afraid to speak about his ex-wife, but it still felt strange. "Sara and I wanted more kids, but it never happened. It – caused a lot of stress and it was really hard on her – on me too. I don't want – if we can't – "

"I know. There's always the chance that Alex will be our only child, and if that's the case we'll just love him and be grateful. Janet always warned me that I could have trouble conceiving, so I know it's a possibility. Still, I'd like to try."

"Okay", he smirked. "I think we'd better start practicing – a lot!"

She laughed and nodded. "Okay. So maybe we should start now? I think maybe I can put Alex down for a while."

It was a few days later when the O'Neill family went shopping together. They both had Christmas shopping to do and Sam felt it would be easier if they all went. "That way I don't have to rush back and feed the baby and we can split up if we need to."

So here he was, checking out jewelry for his wife. He had the baby attached to him with some kind of 'ergonomic' baby carrier. He let Sam buy all the baby gear and she seemed to know what she was doing. He found it pretty easy to carry Alexander this way, and the baby seemed to love it. He usually fell asleep when in it.

He didn't see anything he liked, so decided to head out into the mall and check out another store. He was wearing his coat, although he left it open so the baby wouldn't get hot. He looked down to see his son, sound asleep with his mouth hanging open. According to Sam, he slept exactly like his father.

"Hey, I don't drool!" he defended himself.

"Yes you do", said his loving wife. "And you look just as cute!" she reached forward and gave him a peck on the nose.

"Cute!" he said with disgust. Still – he was sure he didn't drool. Sam was just teasing him (he hoped).

He made his way down the mall, checking out a couple of lingerie stores. Unfortunately, Sam was still in 'mommy mode' and he didn't think she'd be too interested in sexy teddies. He sighed – he loved being a parent but there were days he missed _not_ having a baby around all the time!

"Jack" he heard someone call his name and stopped and looked over his shoulder.

Crap – Sara! He'd been meaning to call her and tell her about Alex but had constantly chickened out. He _had_ told her about Sam. That hadn't been too bad, since Sara had remarried and was happy with her new husband. He had never met the man but he had heard, from mutual friends that Bill was a nice guy. When it had come to the baby however, he'd balked.

The conversation about Sam had been awkward enough. Even though she was happy – or at least she said she was – she had sounded sad when he'd told her he'd remarried. He figured it was the same way he'd felt when she'd informed him she was getting married again. It was a sense of sadness over what they'd had, and lost. Still, marriage was different than a child – something he knew Sara would never have. He wished now that he'd made himself tell her – it would be less awkward than running into her in a mall in DC – wait – what was she doing here?

"Sara! It's good to see you – but what are you doing in Washington? You're still living in Colorado, aren't you?"

"Yes. Bill and I are here to visit his family. His sister and her husband live here – he works for the Department of Labor."

"Oh, I see. You're looking good." And it was true – she was looking great – happier than he'd seen her in a long time. Although he realized that probably didn't mean much since he usually saw her at their son's grave – not a time when she'd look particularly good.

"What are you doing here Jack?" she asked. "You're not usually the mall type."

"No, I know – but I'm Christmas shopping. I'm trying to buy Sam a present." For some reason it felt even weirder to talk to Sara about Sam, than it did to talk to Sam about Sara. He shook his head in confusion.

"Having trouble", she grinned. He'd always suffered over what to buy her, although he'd always come up with something amazing. He had a real knack for making people feel special. She felt a pang she hadn't felt in a while. God – a part of her would always love this man.

Suddenly there was a strange sound and Jack looked down at his chest. He seemed to be speaking to it - which was rather strange. She heard the sound again. "Uh Jack – what is that?"

He looked up at her with an embarrassed expression and then seemed to shrug. "Uh – it's Alexander", he explained, as if that should mean something to her.

"Alexander?" she asked with a frown.

"Yeah" He reached under his coat and fiddled around for a few seconds and then pulled out – a baby.

"Who is that!" she asked, totally shocked.

"This is my son, Alexander", he said quietly. The baby was awake now and was grinning up at Sara, who looked totally shocked. "I'm sorry Sara", he said. "I've been meaning to call you and tell you I just – didn't know how."

She looked at the baby and wanted to burst into tears. He looked so much like Charlie. God – why had he done this! She slowly looked up at Jack, wanting to yell at him – not for not telling her – but for having a son – a child.

"I'm sorry", he repeated. "I didn't want to hurt you", he explained.

"What – by having a child?"

He looked puzzled but said, "no – by not telling you about it. It was – unexpected and I had a bit of a hard time dealing with it myself and I really didn't know what to say to you."

Suddenly she could see the anguish on his face and knew exactly what had happened. If it had been unexpected, as he said, then she was sure he'd had a lot of emotions to deal with. She knew he still blamed himself for Charlie and it would be hard to think of bringing another child into the world. On top of that he really wouldn't want to hurt her – thinking she would never have another child. She felt her anger subside.

"I understand Jack and – it's okay. I'm happy for you. He looks like a lovely child. He looks -"

"I know", he said gently. "I love him so much but sometimes – it's hard to look at him and not see – Charlie."

She smiled although she still felt like crying. "May I hold him?"

"Of course", he said, surprised. He handed the little boy over carefully. Seeing her holding the little boy brought back all sorts of memories and emotions. She kissed him and then handed him back, seeming to realize it was a hard for him.

"He's beautiful – you must be so happy."

"I am", he said gently. "I never thought – I deserved this."

"Oh Jack, of course you do. You're a good man and you were a wonderful father to Charlie and I know are a wonderful fa therto Alexander. It's good to see you happy again."

"And you Sara – are you happy?"

In a moment the sadness and loss she'd felt when seeing Jack with his son melted away as she remembered her husband. He was no Jack O'Neill, but he was a good man. "Yes, I'm happy. And I have something to tell you", she said.

He tilted his head and looked at her with his brow raised. "What?"

"I'm a mother again too." She laughed. "Oh, don't look so shocked – I didn't give birth – you know I'm too old. No, Bill and I adopted two girls from Guatemala. They were orphans. He's taken them shopping for a present for me but they should be back shortly."

"Sara", he said beaming. "Congratulations – I'm so happy for you. You always wanted a little girl – and now you have two. What are their names?"

"Veronica and Maria", she said. "They're 2 and 4 years old – I know – a lot of work for a woman of my age!" she laughed.

"Hell Sara – you're younger than I am and I'm dealing with an infant."

Just then he could see Sara look past him and her face lit up with a smile. He turned to see a tall, gray haired man coming with two young children in tow. He looked a little hot and frazzled, but had a pleasant expression on his face. He walked up to Sara and gave her a quick kiss.

"Hi Bill, how was shopping?" she asked.

"Fine, although the girls are tired and hungry." He turned to Jack. "Hello, I'm Bill Patton", he said, looking questioningly at the man who had been talking to his wife.

Jack moved Alex to one arm and held out his hand. "Bill, nice to meet you – I'm Jack."

"Bill, this is Jack, my ex-husband", she explained softly.

Bill held out his hand and smiled. Clearly Sara hadn't said too many bad things about him!

"Nice to meet you Jack", he said. "Sara has told me a bit about you. I understand you're a General?"

"Yeah – although we all think it was a mistake", he said. Bill laughed and looked at Alexander.

"And who's this?"

"This is my son Alexander", he explained. The two little girls saw the baby then and began to ooh and aaw. Jack smiled and knelt down so they could see him better. Alex lapped up the attention and grinned happily at the two girls – who were entranced with his smiles.

They chatted for a few more minutes and then said goodbye. Sara's girls were getting tired and Alex was starting to get fussy.

"Time for his meal", Jack explained. "Bill, it was nice to meet you and you too Veronica, Maria." He turned to Sara. "Congratulations Sara, I'm really happy for you. You have a beautiful family."

"You too Jack", she smiled. "Next time I hope we get to see Sam."

He watched at his ex-wife walked away with her new husband and daughters. He really was happy for her although he still felt a touch of sadness – that was until Alex started to howl.

"Sam – where are you?" Quickly putting the encounter out of his mind, he went in search of his wife and the mother of his child. He finally found her hurrying down the hall towards them. He looked at her beautiful face and the sadness disappeared. His old life was gone – but he'd been blessed with a wonderful new one.

"Hi Sam – your two boys are _really_ happy to see you!" he smiled and kissed her as she took the baby to feed him. And it was true – he really was happy. Life was good. He smiled as he watched his wife feed their son.


End file.
